There Will Always Be a SUNY-Buffalo, Part I
This Post is written for intellectual purposes only and is not intended to encourage anybody to gamble all of their savings on college football. Pro football is a MUCH safer investment.
DATELINE: SOMEWHERE IN WISCONSIN, November 18, 2006.
I should have told you all about this beforehand, but for my lead pipe cinch of the week* I returned to *MY* alma mater: SUNY-Buffalo** which, studies show, is still located in Buffalo, NY.
Past plays showed that the Bulls have NEVER failed to win ATS*** when playing a top-15 ranked regional opponent on the road in November following a road loss to a below-.500 conference opponent.
And this week, as always under those circumstances, my Bulls rose to the challenge.
It would have been easy for an uneducated football fan to come to the conclusion that the Bulls sucked -- especially after they had the chance to take the lead, down only 7-3 with about 4 minutes left in the 1st half, and having 1st and goal at the Badgers' 4 yard line**** ... and then somehow managing not only NOT to get 6, but also missing the 25-yard chip shot field goal.
But the Bulls did not suck. They did the opposite of sucking. The Bulls defense held tough, giving up a mere 28 more points*****, with the Badgers stealing from the Bulls a tight, 35-3 win.
Sadly, the respect the Badgers had for the Bulls was something less than impressive. Here's a post-game quote by a Badgers' defensive back: "It'd really be an insult to us if [Buffalo] got in the end zone."
To which I'd respond: "Hey, cornerback: shut your fucking pie-hole. Next time, save your trash-talking for when you COVER the spread, fuckface. Buffalo plus 38, baby!"
FOOTNOTES
* - "Lead pipe cinch" - A term well-known to professional gamblers which, roughly translated, means "I really, really hope I win this bet, oh please Lord let me win this bet and I swear I'll never ever place another bet ever again really." The phrase is believed to be etymologically derived from the world of plumbing, where there is a water-tight crimped seal (a "lead pipe cinch") that helps flush vomit down the toilet after you've consumed 14 margaritas and three Jack Daniels shots and absolutely sworn to your Lord that if you survive until the morning you would never ever take another sip of alcohol ever again really.
** - "SUNY-Buffalo" - State University of New York at Buffalo. Historians will note that for some reason, while every other state university system seems to have figured out how to field a competitive college football team, New York hasn't.
*** - "ATS" means "Against the spread."
**** - The 4-yard line is 12 feet away from the end zone. In terms my readers would understand: 12-feet is approximately the distance you are from the McDonald's drive-through window when there is one car ahead of you.
***** - To put this in context: I know that a number of my readers have more points than that on their respective driver's license records.
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Labels: Badgers, big badgers, bigger badgers, Buffalo, buffalo meat, college, football, gambling, NCAA, SUNY, Wisconsin
posted by Buck Buckman @ 10:56 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I'm not sure what the point spread would be, but I'd be almost certain to bet the "under" for total points scored.
Is it possible that "the editor" and "buck buckman" are one in the same ?
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JANE, YOU IGNORANT SKUT! I'll tell you this, Mr/Ms da bronx (if that is, in fact your real name!): Half of "The Editor/Buckman" two-headed monster is a psychiatrist's dream patient, and I'll give you a hint which one: it's the one of us who listens to NPR and classical music, drives a Prius, sows wild flower seeds in meadows, sings "Kumbaya", and is even aware that a Berklee College of Music exists. By way of contrast, I don't even know what a College of Music is -- and, until there's a College of Music with a ranked Division 1A football or basketball team, I really don't care to know what one is, either.
In actuality, The Editor and I are not only different people, we have been engaging in verbal disagreements since The Editor was 16 and I was 18. It's just that, until the Internet, those battles were kept relatively private (the only people who knew were those who were hit by the stray bullets).
And one more thing: the Editor has never beaten me in chess.
I've told you a million times that the hygiene thing results from a chemical imbalance. As for the spelling -- what can I say? -- I'm a product of the New York public school system. But at least I don't listen to NPR which, for the record, is an automatic winning end-point to any argument.
As for chess ... should I mention that I have pictures?
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