HOLY FUCKING SHIT! A ZOMBIE!

OPEN LETTER TO THE MOVIE PRODUCERS OF THE WORLD.

Here's a quick pitch for a horror movie I'm writing. It's short (both the pitch and the movie). The working title is "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! A ZOMBIE!"

The story is this:

There's this hot, incredibly hot, unbelievably hot babysitter, right? She's about 23-years-old, smoking body, blond, huge surgically enhanced breasts. She's not really important to the film, except that it'll give you the opportunity to use the old "casting couch," if you catch my drift, and I'm guessing that you do.

In any event, the hot babysitter is watching a rambunctuous, yet-humorously-worldly 9-year old boy. After the boy has done the standard stuff that all young boys do in horror movies (i.e., using his camera-phone to take pictures of the hot babysitter giving hand-relief to her boyfriend, and then posting the pictures on a moderately-priced website) -- or maybe this happens while he's uploading the pictures (this is a flexible concept) -- the babysitter hears blood-curdling screams coming from his bedroom.

She ignores the screams. I mean, why the fuck not, right? She figures that the parents will come home to a quiet home, figure that the little fucker is sleeping peacefully, and then give her a nice tip. And why should she care what the fuck happens to him, anyway? He's only giving her 15% of the website proceeds, fucking piece of fucking shit that he is. Says he needs the remaining 85% to pay for "bandwidth," whatever the fuck that is.

When the parents come home, they are impressed that the house is clean and quiet, and are about to give the babysitter the aforementioned tip when ... oh my gosh! ... they see blood spilling out from underneath the boy's closed bedroom door.

Hilarity ensues.

END OF PITCH.

Good, huh? You can have your people call my people and we'll do lunch. (I prefer hamburgers.)

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