Hire me, George Costanza!

Open Letter to the Assistant to the Traveling Director of the New York Yankees Baseball Mega-Super-Conglomerate Club for World Domination (hereinafter, "the Yankees")

Dear Mr. Costanza:

In case you hadn't noticed, this past weekend the New York Yankees (motto: "We've won the same number of World Series in this Millenium as have the Bad News Bears") lost three straight games to the Detroit Tigers in the American League Divisional Series and, in so doing, were eliminated from contention for the Little League World Series and, concurrently, lost their third straight playoff series. There was much rejoicing. Except, of course, in the Yankees front offices.

I write now to assist you and your team in breaking this unparalleled streak of mediocrity, as I know and understand that never before has a Mega-Super-Conglomerate Club for World Domination failed to achieve its goals three consecutive years running (except, of course, for the whole Idi Amin thing, which is a topic for another day).

But my value to the Yankees is not to restate the obvious, to wit, that a team filled with Hall of Famers at every conceivable baseball-related position except owner isn't guaranteed to have postseason success ("Bring me the dead, severed head of Babe Ruth! We need a chewing tobacco coach, dammit!"). No, sir. My value to the Organization is this: I can pinpoint what is wrong with your Organization and, in so doing, provide you with the opportunity to remediate it.

Here is the key:

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BUILDING A TEAM TO WIN DURING THE REGULAR SEASON AND BUILDING A TEAM TO WIN DURING THE PLAYOFFS. A team of selfish, personal-glory-obsessed, child-like superstars may be able to win during the regular season, but unless they prostrate themselves to the Greater Good ... unless they feel that they owe their primary obligation to the TEAM ... they are not likely to win in a short playoff series.

Put another way: where are you, Scott Brosius? Chuck Knoblauch? Tino Martinez? Paul O'neil? The REAL Bernie Williams?

(Aside to Derek Jeter: You really belong in this group, too, but I know you are just one man -- or, rather, one man who has had an incredible series of really hot girlfriends. And, even with the girlfriends included, your presence is not enough to overcome the shocking lack of Tino-ness in the 2006 Yankees.)

I know that this whole "It takes selflessness to win playoffs" thing sounds like a platitude, but it really, truly is true. And I will prove it to you or, rather, I *WOULD* prove it to you had I passed 8th grade math. So, instead, I will merely throw some mathematical statistics at you and hope that some other, smarter guy comes along and proves me right.

Let's start with the basic assertion that the difference between a great baseball team and an average baseball team is shockingly small. Take the stat known as "total bases," for example, which basically measures how successful a team is at generating scoring opportunities.

In 2006, the Yankees were second in the major leagues in total bases: 2625. In comparison, the Arizona Diamondbacks finished 15th (out of 30 teams) in total bases with 2393. The difference between these two teams -- one great, one mediocre -- was 232 total bases, which breaks down to 1.43 bases per game (out of a 162 game season).

That's not runs, mind you, but BASES. In a best of five game playoff series (which is where the Yankees were eliminated each of the last two seasons), assuming that the series take the maximum number of games, that breaks down to a TOTAL of about a 7-base difference between a GREAT team and a mediocre one.

Think about that. If just one selfless player takes a walk ONCE per game instead of, say, striking out while trying to pad his stats with a double or home run, then you've just made back 5 of the 7 base difference between mediocrity and greatness.

And if another selfless player or two concentrates his efforts on bunting over a runner, or hitting behind a runner (so that the runner can get an extra base), to hitting a fly ball to move a runner at 2nd or 3rd along, then suddenly your team will be making the gap between greatness and mediocrity even less.

And that doesn't even account for the difference that a selfless player's efforts might make on defense! Making that extra effort to get to a ball in the gap, stretching a little further to make a play, concentrating on where the ball is hit so that the fielder can get an extra half-step on a ball in play.

If you have players that focused on that stuff, do you know what you would have? Another World Series ring, that's what.

I'm telling you, George, the best of 5 "Divisional Series" has changed what it takes to win in the playoffs. Look at the 2006 Tigers -- they have what it takes. Even the 2006 Mets, who were able to win without a living starting pitcher on their roster (sorry, Steve Trachsel).

Look at the 2005 White Sox. The 2004 Red Sox. The Diamondbacks, Marlins and Angels before them. And look the late-20th Century Yankees. They all had it.

One final point, George, and it is this: I recognize that before a team can win a short playoff series, it needs to actualy MAKE the playoffs and -- in that regard -- some selfish-stats-generating superstars are probably necessary (or, at the very least, useful). But how many? To answer this question, I challenge all of the geniuses out there who actually DID pass 8th grade math to come up with two statistics: (1) a SELFLESS QUOTIENT, which measures an individual player's selflessness, and (2) a TEAM SELFLESS QUOTIENT GOAL, which represents the ideal number of selfless players to have on one's 25-man roster.

See you at Disneyland.

Yours truly,
Buck Buckman

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